Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Milwaukee's Best Premium

It was only a matter of time before I reviewed "The Beast." People have been asking me to review this beer since Day 1, but thanks to All Viewer Request Month (and specifically user http://youtube.com/DiceEsque ) the time has come. I've reviewed a lot of crappy beers on this show, mostly to see if their reputation is deserved and more often than not these beers are bad - but not as God awful as people claim they are. So is Milwaukee's Best deserving on the moniker "The Beast"? Let's find out....

   AROMA 4/10   APPEARANCE 3/5   TASTE 4/10   PALATE 3/5   OVERALL 11/20
Chad9976 (643) - Albany, USA - SEP 19, 2011

I poured a 24oz can into a 1-liter boot stein.

Appearance: Like a urine sample in a glass: pale gold, crystal clear, extremely carbonated. Forms a large, frothy, bright white head initially and then fizzles away to nothing, but does leave some lacing on the glass (likely due to hop extract).

Smell: Cheap, stale grain with a notable sour/metallic undertone.

Taste: If you were born after 1970 you’re probably hip enough to know that Milwaukee’s Best is referred to as "The Beast" and for good reason. There are plenty of cheap macro adjunct lagers out there and plenty of malt liquors, but this beer seems to be in its own class of swill. There’s just not enough hops to truly be a pale lager, but the ABV is much too low to be a malt liquor - so what is it, exactly?

Lame - that’s what it is.

I realize I’m beating a dead horse here and probably regurgitating jokes and insults that have been used to describe Milwaukee’s Best over the years, but let’s get through this. It’s a bland, neutral-tasting lager up front. More watery than beer. The second half is where all the nastiness comes from - boiled corn water with a touch of expired, cheap grain. There’s a definite metallic and cardboard taste as well. Fortunately, it finishes quite clean with little aftertaste and just a slightly pasty sensation. It’s more accurately described as tolerable than horrible, but I wouldn’t argue with anyone who called it bad.

Mouthfeel: Extremely thin, fizzy, watery texture. Not as belch-inducing as you’d think, though.

Drinkability: Right out of the fridge, Milwaukee’s Best is about as refreshing as water. I don’t think I’d want to drink this on a hot day because if it warms a little its palate completely falls apart. The blandness and thin body make it quite quaffable, and it can be gulped in bulk considering it’s very light at about 4.5% ABV.

Overall, Milwaukee’s Best is deserving of its nickname. It’s a beer people drink for performance value alone, and it’s something of a challenge to guzzle it before it turns REALLY bad. But really, what’s the point in drinking a beer if you’re trying to avoid its flaws?

Grade: 3/10


  1. I'm sipping on one right now. I must say, I agree with everything you've said, HOWEVER - For $7.99 a 12-pack, it's not bad.

  2. I've got two buddies that love this brew, both of whom have drank more beer sInce the '60's than one can comprehend. While I understand you've got to rate em all, hence the low dollar value is trailer trash to you, it has two key ingredences, it's UNION Made and has alcohol in it. RockOnDude

  3. i respect your opinion sir but i can't find any beers that actually taste good. they all taste like beer and bad but i love all beer. i drink beer. my friends drink beer. i love beer. my girlfriend loves beer. everyone loves beer